It it another beautiful Sunday morning. I have fixed a cup of coffee; I am ready to seize the day. Seizing the day contains pouring my thoughts onto this here medium.
Being single and in your thirties in the South is hard. Let me back up: it is hard for me. I won’t speak for every single woman in the South. I desire to be married. I don’t cut any corners about that desire. On top of that desire to be married, I don’t date. I know you are thinking, huh? How do you want to be married but don’t date? Let me explain that quickly and I will move on….
I don’t date because I really don’t get approached by men. Although I am more confident and I feel and in my opinion approaching to my aesthetic best, Men don’t check for me like that. Some women constantly have men in their face. That is not my story. It lead to me being thirsty and my subsequent reprogramming which I addressed in a previous post (you may want to stop here and then come back to this post to get some background). I also don’t date because I need to learn how to stand firm as far being obedient to God and not sleeping with my boyfriend. Sex is a stronghold for me.
The former and latter reasons given just may be intertwined. Men don’t approach me because God has me in a place where I am learning to control that desire so I can be obedient during the relationship, so he blocks men from seeing me aesthetically. At least that is how I will justify it. Or it could be that men just don’t check for me! I am brown skinned, I wear glasses, rocks natural hair and little to no makeup with some old acne scarring that is fading. Even with my flaws, I am beginning to love me aesthetically. Even with that, I understand that I won’t be every man’s cup of tea.
The fact that I am male attention deficient used to really bother me when my confidence in myself was lower. Now that I have grown in that area, Not so much. But I will be honest that I am not 100 percent. It sometimes still gets to me. I do want to date. I don’t want to come straight home after work every Friday night. I would like a “boo”.
God revealed something to me about marriage right before I relocated for my new job. When I say that had me packing faster and excited for this move! I get here, and two months later…the same thing. Addition to that, it is a smaller city with an even smaller population of African Americans….as a matter of fact I was told that the scene here is HORRIBLE for black women.
So what do you do when you want to date, you have these standards of being married, no one is checking for you but you have this promise? Here is what I do:
1. Get honest with God. Trusting God can sometimes get frustrating and tiring. I sometimes do get in my feelings. But at the end of venting, I tell God that I trust you and where you are leading me.
2. Do your part: Men are visual. Don’t wear a ton of makeup and alter your hair style because you want to catch a man. Stay with what is natural to you. However, if you are an acne scar picker like me, you should stop and work on that. Men and women both see aesthetics first. Think about it: Have you ever seen a man or a woman and said, “Wow, I bet they can do a math problem like no body’s business!” ?. No. I doubt it. Also, be approachable. If you frown or look mean all the time, that may be hindering the process.
3. Hold on to God’s promise and hold on to your standards. The older I get, the harder it becomes. But if you know God promised you something, you may go through YEARS of holding on to that promise. You may have weak moments, but try to control those. The same thing applies to your standards. If you want to be married, DO NOT entertain a man and it is evident that does not want to be married because you are getting something from him that you usually don’t get. I will be honest, if you are in the same boat I am in, this will be by far the HARDEST part, but it is important you don’t trade in your luxury value for some base model affection.
In my situation, the facts are that I am male attention deficient and live in a city where the dating options are slim to none. However, with God all things are possible and it only takes that one. My faith shall win out over the facts.
Be blessed. 🙂