Is that you? How to not to end up in a relationship….by yourself!

So…you meet this guy and you both express that you like each other.  You say flirty things.  You maintain daily contact.  You hang out.  You kiss.  You have even had sexual conversations/ and or physical sex.  Just to not have to explain the relationship, you call him “your boo” or “your man” because all of the elements are there.  Although he hasn’t asked you to be his girlfriend,  you have all the ingredients of relationship…you two said you like each other…so you two are technically together, right?

LET ME STOP YOU NOW.  THAT ANSWER IS NO!!!!

Dude  IS NOT your boyfriend.  That person is someone that you like and you two hang out and you two have sex.

I used to get caught in this trap all the time, only to end up hurt when he stopped calling or I found out through some one or social media that he has a girlfriend.

I have mentioned this so much on Twitter, but  this is such an important topic in my opinion I wanted to consolidate those thoughts here.

Women often gauge a potential relationship by what a man does.  We live by the mantra “action speaks louder than words”.   That is only true contingent if you are in a relationship in the first place.

Remember: Men choose and women allow.  You are not in a relationship with a man until he chooses you.  If a man chooses you, he will come to you and say I WANT TO BE WITH YOU.   No more and No less.  Until that man says that to you, regardless how many times he takes you to a party where his friends are, how many times you two knock each other down, how many times you express you like each other.   Men who know women well know how to tailor their actions to get what they want without commitment.  So, if you have a man who comes over and cooks you dinner, irons your clothes, then when he is not with you sends sweet text messages but HE HAS NOT TOLD YOUR OR ASKED YOU IN THE AFFIRMATIVE THAT HE WANTS TO BE WITH YOUR OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE EXCLUSIVE you do not have a relationship.  You have a man who is either A. gearing up to choose you, or B. Doing enough to get that girlfriend treatment from you without officially committing.   Keep your eyes wide open and don’t get so caught up in what he is doing for you you can’t see what he is possibly doing to you.  He could be just playing you and it is well disguised.

One of the things that men do better than women is compartmentalize.  Although women are typically weak in that area, we have to just work harder at do so.  Make sure when you are in the pre-relationship stage that you enjoy the attention, but you keep it in perspective.   Sex often attaches us to people, so if you make that decision to sleep with him be willing to accept the consequences of what that could do to you if he does not choose you.

Keep this thought as your golden rule:  if you are pre-relationship with a man, i.e. he hasn’t said in the affirmative you two are in a relationship, listen to what that man SAYS  ( or doesn’t say) versus what he is doing.   If you are past that stage and he has chosen you/you have allowed him to choose you, then you can go by the mantra actions speak louder than words.  Look at what he is doing at that point.

Following that above mentioned rule will keep you from getting your feelings caught up and keep you from mislabeling a connection.

Be blessed.

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