I have a question for you:   If you have long time friends and you go long spans of time without talking to them,  are you still friends?  What say you?

I will tell you what I think.  My answer  to the above question is absolutely.  Here is why.

I have a best friend and a group of friends from college that I consider close friends.   We all lead busy lives and I literally don’t talk to them for months at a time ( a couple of my friends I don’t talk to them for years at a time) and when we do talk it is small talk.   This stems from several reasons, one  major reason being that we are just busy people.

Another reason is that as we get older, we all have different life experiences.  Those life experiences create new perspectives.  All relationships go through phases, and at times we don’t have as much in common.  For example,  I spent the the majority of my twenties as a struggling student and I am just now really beginning to build my career.  My focus, after almost thirteen years ( including college) is about getting my life together.  I have friends that are more established and they are in a phase of their life that includes more self actualization type activities, such as international travel, etc.  I am not there yet.  I am still trying to build a foundation. We have a friend that is married.  The rest of us are single.   Your current experience drives your current conversation, so sometimes your conversation with your friends may just be a “hey what you been up to/just checking up on you/talk to you later” type conversation because in that moment, you two are on different planes, and that is perfectly okay!  A friendship, just like any other type of relationship can go through ebb and flow.  You may not have as much in common in this phase of the friendship, but your lives may parallel later.  Commonality only creates a friendship, it does not define or maintain one.

What maintains a friendship bond is not how much you talk, but if they are there when you need them.  One thing I can say about all of my friends, I may have not talked to them on a regular basis, but they were there when I needed them MOST.   To me, that means the world.  In my group of friends, we have experienced death, heartache, etc.  When needed, we have been each other’s support system.   If that isn’t friendship, I don’t know what is.

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