Although I love to hang out and be social, I have absolutely no desire to do so. Why? Because I don’t do anything that will derail my thought process while I am in certain seasons. Let me explain: I took a job that does not pay much. Therefore, I don’t have much money to do anything extracurricular. I have worked hard and this quite frankly bothers me. Being in a social setting and not having the to partake in food, etc. because I have to keep a tight reign on my money just reminds me of my current situation. Additionally, being reminded of the situation cause me to focus on what I don’t have versus what I do have. It is the imperative that I stay positive, and being social will derail that. Sounds crazy, but I know me and I do what I need to do to preserve myself.
Therefore, I opt to do a lot of things by myself, for example exercising. That is free and enjoyable. When I function in this manner, I don’t have to worry about being a hamper on someone or being forced to spend money I don’t have. It is no pressure. I will admit: it is quite selfish but at the end of the day, I am accountable for me and my well being. I know that this is just a season and a derailment in my thinking will slow down my growth process. I know what makes me tick and I don’t compromise me for things that I feel are minute and will be there when I am in a better place financially. I will pick it up full speed when I can. As of right now, it is just not feasible.
I am focused on the right things in this space. When this cocoon phase is over, I will come out to play but not until it is time. 🙂