Why?

Folks—-

Sometimes you have to take a break from work.  Well—I am supposed to do some work but am going to push it off for this blog.  Let’s get into it.

People sometimes ask me why am I single.   For a long time,  I pranced around the question,  but I now I have an answer—you ready?

80 PERCENT TIMING AND 20 PERCENT I HAVE NOT A CLUE.  

Let me explain.

80 PERCENT TIMING.  If I have learned NAHTING else (spelling intentional),  I have learned that love knows no size, shape or educational background.   Pretty is subjective, even people who think they are “objectively pretty or handsome” are subject to another person not feeling their aesthetic.    You can meet awesome people but they aren’t in a place in which to provide the type of relationship you are looking for.

Sometimes you reveal too much to soon, and the person cannot handle what you revealed; they seen your bad first and it is such a shock to their system that they run away (Speaking from Experience,  Exhibit A).  I learned a valuable lesson:  watch who you show your scars to.

  Some men see your future and KNOW that they do not fit in it.  I had one guy tell me that I was “already made”.    I politely thanked him for his honesty and before I got out of his car I told him not to call me again….EVER.  (I told him not to call me because although he didn’t see it for me–he still would have slept with me and that pissed me off…).   God dropped this in my spirit this morning:  When men look for partners,  it is often a reflection of what they see in themselves.   For example: If you like a man, but that man falls for a woman who isn’t of the same caliber as you mentally,  spiritually, etc. that means he does not have the capacity to function in a relationship that is going to require more than what he is willing to give.   If a man just wants a woman who he can have all of the trappings of a relationship,  but he isn’t ready to be challenged and be sharpened by his woman then HE AINT READY FOR PRIMETIME ( Shout out to my college loves affectionately known as 603 for that phrase).    I MADE my ex-boyfriend go register to vote.  I wasn’t playing with him.  I explained politics to him and why voting was important.   Although we are no longer together,  we can have some good intellectual conversations about society.   Why?  Because I made him bring his A game.

Sometimes you meet people that you care about but cannot trust them—and as a result they bring out the WORST in you or you bring out the worst in each other—-translation:  you show your crazy to them and they can’t handle it.   Has that happen to me?  PLENTY OF  TIMES.  Thank the Lord I don’t carry a spirit of people bondage!  ( Speaking from Experience, Exhibit B).   (Petty disclaimer:  some of the men that can claim they seen my crazy also saw the best of me—got their rent paid and groceries bought for their kid— but I digress because God did not give us a spirit of pettiness….).   A good male friend of mine told me this–everyone has some crazy–it is about who wants to deal with your crazy.  There you have that.

As such,  if crazy doesn’t preclude you from love and attractiveness and education is really a non-factor—it comes down TIME.   Space, openness and opportunity must align.     Simply, it is just not my time yet.  God has his reasons.  Do I like it?  NAW.  As a matter of fact, I actually wrote God a very angry letter about how I was upset, bitter and  just didn’t believe or trust that he would make a presentation to me.   However, I told him that I have seen his work in other areas of my life so I KNOW HE CAN—so  I ask that He increase my faith in this area.  Make me trust and believe you.   It is probably, to date one of the most honest letters I have written.   To be honest,  the whole relationship issue got so bad for me I just had to drop it and focus on something else.  So right now I am super focused on my law practice.   So in the midst of it not being my time–I am at ground zero working through my bitterness and praying that God first increases my faith in this area.  I am also just busy and focused on other things.

Faith brings a strange patience that will carry you through the waiting period.   Timing is not only money,  but love as well. 

20 PERCENT I HAVE NOT A CLUE.   Since I have learned being in a relationship is 80 percent timing—I really don’t know why I am single outside of the timing explanation.  I am not going to list my qualities–but I know I got the juice.  For a long time I felt like had NO JUICE.  Nahhhh B. LJ got the juice.    Do I have residual bitterness and anger? Yes.  But when it is MY TIME–The person that if or me will see past the broken parts of me and aid in the healing process because he is called to love me.   I do have to do my own work, but right one will be down for the journey.

So there you have it.   I am still going to lay out the last two years of my life as promised  earlier.  I am just waiting on one more thing to fall into place–and that will happen soon.

Be blessed.  🙂

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