One of the main reasons I resurrected my blog was to explore a different type of happy ending. As women, we internalize the desire to have the traditional life of marriage and children. That is the typical female fairy tale. Most women want to say that they experienced the “once upon a time, a little girl was chosen by a man. They got married and have children and now she has the coveted life roles” storybook ending.
I desire the typical fairytale. I totally want husband and children. I think being a wife and mother is beautiful! However–what if that is not God’s plan for my life?
As women, this is a hard question to swallow; a hard potential reality. But it IS a possibility that the answer to your prayers may just be No.
My new question(s) for myself are as follows: What if I never get married and have children? How can I truly be happy for me and for others although my dreams for a family haven’t or maybe will not be realized? How do I go to weddings, baby showers, and commune with women who have what I want without feeling that twinge of sadness and frustration because it just may not be in my life plan? How can I truly be happy? As women, we buy into the idea that if we do not become mothers and wives, we don’t fulfill our purpose and women. It saddens me to experience women explicitly and implicitly shame other women who get to a certain age and are still single and childless. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the “she must be gay” sentiment from other women (this is a separate blog in itself).
Such sentiments aid the depression, anger and fear amongst single women. It also leads women to making terrible choices in a partner (this is also a separate blog). I am on a journey of truly being happy, content, joyous and self assured in my own life regardless is my dream of being a wife and mother manifests. If I am the only person in my group of friends that never marries or has children, I am doing the work to stand in my truth as a proud woman with with purpose . I am on a journey of strength to withstand the inquiries and whispers that insinuate that I am less of a woman. I won’t have to balance the pull of being happy and celebrating another woman who God has blessed with a family while being sad for myself. I will not have to overcompensate or embellish my happiness and contentment because I will truly be happy and content.
Many women wear a happiness and contentment costume when they are dying inside because they allow others to measure their worth by their relationship status. In turn, they they judge themselves because they internalize what society says their worth is. I have been this woman in the past. I am intentional about breaking this curse. Breaking the curse tears down the wall between me and my joy. Follow me as I trek down the path of redefinition. Come with me on this path of taking off the chains and exonerating myself from defining happiness, joy and contentment in a box. Come and share the ups, downs and ultimate victory. Come with me as I chronicle and explore a different type of fairytale ending.
Note: I am not giving up on my prayers to become a wife and mother. What I am doing is taking the focus off of the dream and letting life unfold, and still will be joyous regardless of how it unfolds. With that, I am also being intentional in finding contentment and happiness in the now, and no longer predicating my purpose on just one facet of life.