If you haven’t read Part I, read that first.
In the last blog, I presented an alternative to behaviors that are commonly read as jealousy. I also acknowledged that although jealousy is not as prevalent as people claim, it DOES exist.
There are individuals that no matter how awesome you may be to someone, they may be vicious to you based on success and achievement. Jealousy can lead to someone being physically hurt or even killed. There are televisions shows based on the deadly consequences of jealousy.
Jealousy is common and even a natural emotion. However, it is essential that you build yourself worth so you can control those feelings. When one exhibits jealousy, you are basically allowing operating in a space of worthlessness. Essentially, jealousy says, If my life doesn’t contain similar elements like the ones I see in another person’s life, my life isn’t as valuable.
Sidebar: Your life is valuable. Know that.
Jealousy is self sabotage. Jealousy is emotional violence that you inflict on yourself. It is also an open door for others to use plant a Scarlett letter on your life. That jealous label is hard to shake once it is on you.
Now we have addressed people who inflict jealousy, I want to address the recipients of said jealousy. Some recipients of jealousy are innocent bystanders to the energy conveyed from a jealous individual.
However, there are people that feed off of jealous energy inflicted upon them. They are just as toxic as the person inflicting jealousy.
Question: Have you ever noticed, whether it is on some reality show, social media or real life beef that the FIRST accusation when there is conflict between two people is that one person MUST jealous of the other? How many times have we have heard someone say in the midst of conflict that He/She must be jealous of me, or He/She is just jealous?
Do you know someone that always accuses someone of being jealous of them?
When individuals automatically conclude that they are the recipient of jealous energy from another person, you have to step back and wonder why is there a need for that person point out that someone is or may be jealous of them.
The reason is this:
Acknowledging/Highlighting that another person is jealous is an opportunity to use one person’s inadequacy to feel better about their own perceived inadequacy.
As implied earlier, exhibiting jealous energy basically sends a message someone else has what the person who is jealous wants. This message makes individuals feel powerful and important, at least over the person who is exhibiting jealousy.
The need to feel powerful and important over another individual is indicative of brokenness. Possessions aren’t a cure for brokenness. Often times it is just a cover up. As such, when broken people peep that someone is or may be jealous of them and what they possess, they use that jealous energy to fill in cracks in their own armor. Having the opportunity to accuse someone of inflicting jealous energy toward themselves is cathartic. They have yet another shield to hide their toxicity. They use jealous energy to make themselves feel better about who they REALLY are.
Broken people who pick up on jealous energy inflicted upon them also poke the bear in order to extract that energy to make themselves feel better about their inadequacies.
Remember the friend example from Part I? Let’s add some facts to that:
Party A, the successful friend KNOWS that Party B is struggling in an area which Party A is successful in. Party A senses that Party B is jealous of Part A’s success in that particular area. Party A intentionally makes consistent conversation about how well things are going in that particular area without considering Party B’s feelings. The more conversation focus on that area of success/struggle, the more jealous behaviors Party B exhibits.
Ask yourself this: if one friend KNOWS she is successful in an area her friend struggles in, is this simply sharing your life with someone, or is it an underhanded way to provoke feelings of jealousy in order to feed themselves and patch holes in their self esteem.
It comes down to the context of the sharing. As said in Part I, one should not have to hide their successes in a friendship. However, if a person makes it a point to discuss certain topics that are successful for them KNOWING it is a source of struggle for someone else (and discussing the topic ad nauseam may trigger negative feelings) in a manner that is mainly a celebratory slant for themselves, it is prudent to question their motives.
Agendas can be hidden. Humans are crafty and calculated. It is okay to question that agenda.
If you are in a place where you may be jealous of someone, work to control those feelings. Do not allow your emotions to program you into thinking your life is worthless unless it is a carbon copy of someone else’s life. Jealousy is also avenue in which you give away your power. Jealousy opens a door to vultures who see that you may be more broken than they are so they use the energy you give off to establish a hierarchy of superiority over you. Don’t give your power away through jealousy.
If you are an individual that constantly concludes someone is jealous of you, examine the reason why you automatically come to that conclusion. That conclusion may just be from a place of brokenness in your own life, and you are looking for energy to build yourself up. Do you have a need to feel superior?
The same toxic energy you take to make yourself feel better is the same energy you will radiate in other areas.
There are no winners. We all have checkpoints for growth.