So…I am binge watching TVOne’s “For My Man” series. If you’ve never seen the show, the show follows women who end up becoming hard criminals for the men they fell in love with.
After watching scores of episodes, a particular pattern emerges.
More often than not, the women grew up in poverty. They also came from single parent homes. If there were two parents in the home, one or both parents were emotionally absent.
Along comes this man in the woman’s life. He fills a void. He gives the woman something she never had before: Attention. Affection. Security. Such provision affirms the woman’s very being; she is seen, heard and acknowledged. She was invisible before; but now, the affirmation gives her soul light and color.
As humans, our first inclination is to judge the intellectual capital of these women. They are automatically placed in the stupid pile. We question these women, asking how could they be so weak and dumb for allowing a man to rope them into a life of crime?
The answer is actually simple. Let’s explore this murky brick road to hell, shall we?
In order to develop a well rounded, emotionally stable human being, humans NEED affirmation. Affirmation is the amino acid to positive self image, self esteem and good mental health. An unaffirmed child grows up to be an unaffirmed adult. That adult will seek that in which they did not receive as a child, even if it leads down to a road of destruction.
Essentially the answer to the question of the hour is this: A need was met by the man and as a result, the woman rather follow the man down the road of crime than go back to the hell of feeling invisible again.
Affirmation is consistently downplayed, often by people who were actually affirmed as children. As such, their lack of relatability doesn’t allow for compassion and understanding the psyche of women who walk the “For My Man” path. It is easy to downplay the integral need of affirmation of you have always received it.
I can see how the void suffered by these women led them down a path of crime. I don’t think the women are stupid. But I do think they were empty. For these women, the fulfillment of a void is worth more than the consequences of committing a crime.
Life has taught me to never say never. I could have been one of those women if the wrong man would have came into my life and the right time. Affirmation is a necessity and voids are real.
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions. Filling a void is the good intention that led these women straight to Hell. I empathize with the method to the madness.