“You are responsible for your triggers. It is up to you to unplug them.”–Iyanla Vanzant
I know it is Super Bowl Sunday so I won’t be too long….
So-something I’ve learned on this Alternate Fairytale journey is that no matter how happy you are in life, someone will question your happiness. Whether the questioning is implicit or explicit, it will happen.
Many humans are programmed to be one trick ponies. Life is only meant to be lived a certain way. If your life doesn’t follow a particular trajectory, something is wrong.
In terms of being single in your late 30’s, the train of thought is that it is no way you are truly happy single. You may be okay and tolerating life, but bitch you are not happy!
Before I started writing, I did a quick Google and YouTube search using the search phrase “Single in your late 30s”. Man! If I had a penny for every “how to be happy and single” and “is there still hope” type articles and videos existed, I would be rich! It really just proves my point that people expect for you to be single and miserable! As a matter of fact, I watched a clip of the talk show The Real where Loni Love addressed this very issue. She is currently in a exclusive relationship where she is happy. She spoke about how people assumed now she is in a relationship that she is basking in this happiness and joy that that she never knew. She had to defend her happiness by stating she was happy even before her relationship.
I am learning not to even try to defend my joy to anyone. Being happy and single at 37 is almost being in a rebellious nature! I mean, how dare I have a sense of joy in my singleness! How dare do I enjoy being single without pining, bitching and being the slave to the desire for a relationship!!
Don’t get it twisted: I used to be that miserable girl who wasted time waiting on my ship to come in. So I get the mindset. I have been blessed to walk in freedom from that, and I want women that have a similar journey to walk in that freedom as well. I understand how that mindset develops. Those feelings are real and should be recognized. However, you can also walk in victory from those feelings and mindset as well.
The moral of the story is simply this: allow people to have their opinions and perspectives. Don’t allow one’s perspective trigger you to the point you feel like you have to defend your truth. If your truth is authentic happiness, just let that truth stand on its own.
Dare to be happy.