I watched a Breakfast Club interview with Amanda Seales a couple of weeks ago. If you watch the HBO series Insecure, she plays Tiffany Dubois, the annoying bougie friend amongst Issa, Kelli and Molly. She just debuted her HBO comedy special, I Be Knowin’. She said something in the interview that stood out to me. She talked about how her screening was set up like a wedding reception because it was HER wedding. She further explained that she is 37, and at this juncture there should be life changing moments that are not tied to a man. She did not diminish the traditional life changing moments such as marriage and babies. She insinuated that life moments can exist in the same space.
HONEY. A WORD.
Before I evolved regarding how I viewed myself, I diminished all of my accomplishments. I had some dope moments in my academic, professional and personal life that I should have celebrated much more than I did. Because I had the mindset that “my accomplishments are cool, but it isn’t marriage/babies, so it falls lower on the celebration totem pole and as such grand celebration isn’t warranted”, I robbed myself of the opportunity of basking in the proverbial sun when it was my time. I was waiting on the BIG MOMENT, not realizing I was at times in the midst of the BIG MOMENT.
Which brings me to today. On this Valentines Day, I took the opportunity to celebrate my current BIG MOMENT-realizing that I was free from being a slave to the desire of a relationship. One of the most, if not the most pivotal moments in my life is when I made the decision to be happy outside of the context of a man. I decided no matter what, I was going to truly like and love me and my life. I was going to die happy. Not only was I going to be happy, but I was not going to celebrate myself by downplaying the beauty of marriage and family. I acknowledge and celebrate the beauty of both being in a relationship as well as being single. One does not outweigh the other. Both are dope!
It is true: when your mind changes, your life changes. This is the first Valentines Day that I have not “felt a way” because I was single. I wasn’t triggered by the flowers and candy. I was basking in the sun. Celebrating my own victory and the strides I have made in true love of self. I toasted to my new truth of true happiness. I marveled at the fact that I am free from the being a slave to the desire of a relationship. I thank God for the grace to gain wisdom and passion through my experience.
If you are depressed because of your singleness, I am praying for you. I am not only praying that you get the desires of your heart, but I pray that you find happiness in the now, learn from your journey and impart wisdom and encouragement to others that are on the same leg of the journey as you. I also pray when it is your time to move from singleness to partnership, you pass the baton to someone else so they can continue to encourage singles to a new truth about themselves and their lives.
Happy Valentines Day!