It’s the weekend-we made it!
FULL DISCLOSURE: I have a lot on my mind so I may hit you guys with a double or even triple header.
Let’s get into it.
REAL QUICK: I have a companion blog on Instagram entitled Love Your Life Space @loveyourlifespace. Feel free to check it out. If you have a tablet or PC, you can actually see it in the sidebar here.
A while back I created a meme about singles self stigmatizing. As singles, we often add to the societal notion that being single sucks by confirming and affirming the idea that partnership is better than being single. As such, we often push our lives down on the totem pole by how we approach singleness.
Check out this little story:
I went to a young adult ministry event at my church and it featured married couples (it was around Valentines Day). One of the couples told a story that struck me. They talked about when they got married their single friends wanted to essentially sit at their feet and learn the supposed secret they had to getting married. All they wanted to do was have fun and enjoy time with friends.
I visualized their single friends with their pen and pad ready to take notes on what they need to do to get married. It sparked the thought that single people really buy into the stereotype that their life isn’t as valuable without a plus one and they have to be intentional about obtaining this value.
Singles: It is one thing to desire marriage and celebrate friends that have entered into that phase in life. It’s another thing to give off desperation vibes. To want to sit and try to glean a “how to get a husband/wife” from your married sends the message that you acknowledge and accept that your life as a single person is inferior and you need the “how to” guide to escape this inferiority. It also says “I idolize your life”, in other words, it gives off the impression that singles are thirsty for partnership in general, marriage in particular.
I also see a ton of “single life sucks” and “I wish I had a boo” type posts. Between the smoke I see on social media and hearing stories like I talked about above, it is clear that single people put the nails in their own coffins. The singledom perspective is often bleak at best. No wonder married and partnered individuals look down on singles (if you don’t believe me, watch how married/partnered people move and talk about singles, especially singles over 35). Singles supply the ammunition to do so because we look down on ourselves.
All of the negative posts about being single and fawning over marriage and partnership just adds fuel to the fire. Singles must change how they view their own lives in the single space.
Singles must OWN their part in how singleness is viewed. Singles must take accountability that the single person’s own perspective is part of the problem regarding the negativity surrounding being single.
Until singles change how they REALLY feel about being single, singlehood will always suck and single people will always be at the bottom of the social stratosphere.
Singleness is seen as a curse because single people essentially agree with that adage.
Stop Self Stigmatizing. Period.