It is 12:48 am in my part of the world and I am choosing violence with this piece. I am okay with that because I know how to fight, especially with my words.
You see the title to this blog so you know what this is about so let’s get into it: Dear Single, Childless People: Stop consistently being flexible to your married friend’s schedules! Take some time for yourself and say NO to all of that. Why???? I am glad you asked!
You should stop bending because your life is important! It is imperative that single, childless adults REQUIRE RECIPROCITY. Society conveys that single lives are less important than married lives, especially married folks with children. Moreover, single people perpetuate this notion by CONSISTENTLY being available and accommodating to their married friends. I understand that married people have compounded responsibility. However: it is not a license to abuse the relationship. As much as you are willing to be flexible around their world, you should demand your married friends exhibit reciprocity at least ONCE every three months. Real Talk: if they value the friendship, they should want to give reciprocity. Reciprocity means NO spouse, NO kids and tailoring the conversation so that is is not dominated with family/kids subjects. As single people, our time and attention should be equally respected. If your married friends cannot accommodate you, then it is probably time to hang up that friendship. It is okay to grow in different directions. One direction isn’t more important than the other; it is just different.
Another reason why single people should pump the breaks on always accommodating married friend’s schedules is because we are not honest about why we are so accommodating in the first place. Look: it is not that we don’t love our married friends and their children—I mean kids are funny as hell as a joy to be around. But let’s be honest: it can get stale because at the end of the day, it does not encompass a single persons life! Single people still have a different life and freedom(s). As a result, being engulfed in a married person’s world doesn’t always edify us. Single people want to engage in what is pertinent in their lives and sometimes there is a life mismatch with our married/child bearing friends. Additionally (and here is where I consciously choose violence), single people are accommodating not only because we understand that our married friends are pulled in different directions, but also because we want to cash in on that social insurance. We want a return on our investment for the years we were single. We want the same love an support we gave to our married friends if we transition to married with children life. We don’t want to be looked at as bitter ass haters that are jealous of our married friends, so we go along to get along, making sure we pay that social insurance premium so when it is our turn (if it happens) we can cash in. STOP THIS!!
I encourage single people to to say the hell with all of the social conditioning that has single people giving more to married friends. Demand reciprocity within reason and stop bending so damn much. Do what edifies your life and do not apologize for it. Respect is earned and not given, so demanding reciprocity is key in earning respect in relationships.