So…being single birthed a passion in me. My intention for this blog and my @loveyourlifespace Instagram (which you can see the posts and connect from here) is to share encouragement and wisdom to single women from the guise of my life experience.
I have observed social media posts conveying the message of single women being tired of old cliches such as “work on yourself” and “marriage isn’t what it is cracked up to be”, and “trust God”. Single women want their desires for marriage validated. Based on the comments under these posts, these particular single women feel as though they are vilified for wanting partnership. They also feel as though their desire and the grief that comes with said desire not manifesting are being dismissed by such comments. There was one comment that stood out to me—the commenter said when she was single she was unhappy 90 percent of the time. Whew Chile…… Although social media is a microcosm, I believe more women feel like this than not. Women have been conditioned to see their value through what man chooses them for marriage, so it makes sense that the majority of single women are unhappy because they are single.
Look: I get it. I get feeling like your feelings aren’t validated. I have said many times here that THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING PARTNERSHIP. Moreover, it is understandable to experience unhappiness by not having your desires come to fruition. However, the comments I read under similar posts as described earlier reflects more than just mere unhappiness. These comments reflect that these women feel that their existence is inadequate as well as:
These women are committed to their unhappiness until their dreams of partnership are realized.
For whatever reason, there is no nuance when it comes to single women being happy versus desiring partnership. If a single woman displays happiness regardless of being single, she has traded her happiness for the desire for partnership. THAT ISN’T TRUE. I’ve said plenty of times throughout my blog that I still have a desire to be partnered. However, I deal in reality. God’s will for one’s life is paramount. If marriage isn’t part of God’s will for my life, it will not come to pass. Period. I also realize the marriage/partnership game has changed. There is no incentive to be married other than the being wired with the desire. Therefore, if I am to be married, it will ONLY be because it is part of God’s plan. Quick sidebar: Church had done a disservice to so single women using the Bible to convince women that because they are believers in Christ that marriage is their birthright…but that is a separate blog.
I don’t write this out of judgment. I used to be committed to being unhappy because I was single. I write this as a testament that you can choose happiness. When you choose happiness, you don’t have to chase the things that are for you. You give God the space to do what he does best and you are okay with God’s outcome, no matter what. For clarity’s sake—choosing happiness doesn’t mean you will be happy everyday. I still fight the social programming that has been installed in my heart. But I am committed to the fight for my abundance. I refused to wait around and stall my life just for something that may or may not be for me. I choose not to live in lala land and hang on to narratives taught by the church that LIFE has shown not to be true for every woman. Letting that go allows me to receive what is for me. My faith in God’s will has given me emotional freedom I didn’t have before I chose happiness.
You can be single, truly happy and still have a desire for partnership. It does not have to be unhappy/single vs. happy/married. Single women can have faith that marriage is part of God’s will while living their live in abundance as a single person. It is as absolute waste of a life to allow yourself to dwell in unhappiness because of unrealized dreams.
It is my prayer that any woman that comes across this blog divorce their commitment to their single and unhappy narrative. Only women who are committed to this narrative get irritated when people say “trust God”. Honestly, this is the best advice. For my Christian identifying readers-when it comes down to your desire for partnership, adopting the perspective of Shadrach, Meshach and Abesnego in Daniel Chapter 3 will give you freedom. Trust God that you will be married, but even if you NEVER get married, God is still God.
One more thing: I honor a woman’s right to be committed to the narrative they have crafted for themselves. With that said, if you are committed to being unhappy, this blog nor any of my platforms are for you. This space is specifically for women who choose happiness regardless of their relationship status, not a space for women to weep out and wail because of unrealized desires. This space of for women who want to evolve their thinking about their happiness regardless of the prospect of marriage or are already in that space.