This week Derrick Jaxn, self proclaimed internet relationship expert was exposed as a hypocrite and a fraud. The very same behaviors that he has made money warning other women about he engaged in. I mentioned him in my “The Financial Exploitation of Miserable Singles, Part I and II” blogs. Honestly, I am not surprised. He is not the first hypocrite that has lined his pockets from pimping the desires of single women and he will not be the last. As long as singleness is viewed as a problem that requires a solution, there will be people who will sell you wolf tickets for a dream–and there will be people who will buy them. I am saying this not from a place of judgement, but from experience. The reason why I wrote about singles being financial exploited by people like Derrick Jaxn is because I used to be one of those people willing to spend time and money to figure out what my problem was and why I could not get a man. I added to their wealth with no return on my investment. Although I mentioned him, this blog isn’t about him. There are enough memes, GIFs and thinkpeices out there. However, his hypocrisy is a good segeway for what I do want to talk about: femininity.
There is a section of the relationship advice space where people coin themselves as “femininity coaches/experts”. These “coaches/experts” teach women how to be more feminine in order to bag a man. The core of the messaging tells women in no uncertain terms that the reason they are single is because they aren’t soft enough, can’t cook and do not have the appearance of a woman. If they want man, they need to “soften up”: change the way you walk, speak, laugh, smile and let men approach you; be a damsel in distress. In the meantime while “softening up”, loose some weight and learn how to cook. As I began to evolve in my thinking regarding relationships, my perception of femininty coaching also changed. This concept of femininity and feminine power as I had experienced it began to sour as it began to look like this whole femininity thing was just another mechanism to rape single women’s pockets……….until I discovered Ayesha K. Faines.
I was first introduced to Ayesha through watching an episode of the Grapevine on Youtube. She struck me as poised, articulate and always in charge of who she is all wrapped up in this asthetically beautiful package. I became intrigued when she broke down concept of monogamy and how monogamy afforded broke men to attain spouses (you may have seen this clip floating around soical media. if you haven’t you should look for it). My intrigue led me to Google and there I discovered her website where you can take a feminine archetype quiz. I took the quiz and discovered that I was mainly a Sage. The femininity coaching I followed taught me NOTHING about archetypes. I didn’t even know what an archetype was until I discovered her work. My interest was piqued about this Sage, so I booked the masterclass.
Ayesha has done extensive research on feminine energy and power. She meticulously explains each archetype and its associated personality traits. She dives deep into what each archetype represents as well as how women can use their feminine power to ascend above patriarchy and respectability politics to live life on her terms (Check out her Janet Jackson/Fierce Women video on Youtube). As a single woman who values and promotes happiness regardless if I ever get married, her modules have empowered me to stand in who exactly who I am. My femininity is not a Hunger Games type competition tool solely used to vie for a man’s affection, but it is a tool of seduction to attract all that is for me to me. Feminine power is so much more than what you look like and how “soft” you can appear to a man. Feminine power gives you the license of freedom to live and be without the shackles of social conditioning. Ayesha’s work encouraged me that I can be who I am and exist in a form of femininity that is true to my existence and not have to fit in to some limited social viewpoint of femininity. Instead of using femininity just to get a husband, I can use my femininity to literally conquer the world and fulfill my God given purpose.
If you are interested in femininity and its true power, I highly recommend exploring Ayesha’s work. You can start with watching the video I posted in this blog. It gives a introduction to the seven feminine archetypes (she has updated the archetypes on her website http://www.womenlovepower.com). Watch the video and see which archetype(s) resonate with you. If you want to dive deeper, check out her work on her website. Unlike the femininity coach/expert hustlers who use feminine power to imprision women and hand them over to men and their agenda, Ayesha’s work empowers and frees women. Dear Single Women: We can use our feminine power for our own good!
Enjoy and Be Blessed.