One thing I have learned in my almost 40 years on Earth is that experience, whether good or bad is a blessing that can lead you to your life purpose. In my late teens and early twenties, I lamented about my life. I whined and cried about my life not being “normal”. I felt inadequate because my family wasn’t the type of family that prioritized getting together on holidays and called each other on a regular basis. Due to factors I won’t disclose, my family simply isn’t close. In addition to not growing up in that Soul Food movie-eqsue type family, I wasn’t raised by my mother nor my father–so imagine the rejection and abandoment issues that comes along that. There were experiences I would have loved to have had as a kid, but eating and having place to stay was more important than me exploring my interests through creative activity. The only exception was that I was able to dance on the school dance team, but even keeping up with the financial demands of that was a struggle. It wasn’t until my thirties I began to see that how I grew up actually served me well.

There is a ying and yang to everything. For every emotional trauma I experienced, I gained a valuable tool that helps me build the bridge toward my purpose and destiny. Growing up in a disjointed family gave me freedom from familial pressures and obligation, including the pressure to marry and have children. As such, I value freedom and options. Growing up in a less than desirable socioeconomic status made me ambitious and resilient. I didn’t grow up around people that prioritized image and “keeping up with the Joneses”, so I am not image conscious. I care less about performing for people in order to fit in a box. I will say what people think and I don’t care if you agree. I don’t give a damn about being liked. I value respect over like. The only opinions I care about are people that I feel that are valuable in my life—and sometimes I don’t give a f*ck about their opinions either.

Without the tools given to me through the gift of a traumatic life, I would not be in a mental and emotional position to accept the calling of “going against the grain”. There is no way I could be both accountable to who I used to be while simutaneously owning who I am now. In my twenties, I was trying to be fit my life into the standard social timelines. Unbeknownst to me, my destiny was too great to fit into the social boxes carved out for me. As I grew to love and accept myself, I was able to see my way out of bondage and live in my authenticity. My perspective allows me to challenge toxic social paradigms while also being empathetic to the genesis of such paradigms. I don’t care about clout. I just care about creating a space where women like me can be seen, even if they are too ashamed to admit it due to wanting to be accepted. I literally have the tools to break the rules and loosen chains. I have found great purpose in being single and I would not be able to walk out my purpose in this season of my life it was not for the life God allowed me to experience and the tools that developed as a result.

What tools do you have in your toolbox? What has life given you in order for you to pursue your purpose and destiny? Figure it out and start using those tools.

Be Blessed.

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