Women are socialized to fear being single. As such, we carry a subconscious fear that drives our actions. I’ve been on my single and happy journey for some years now. I just realized that although I believe wholeheartedly that women MUST divorce their worth from the desire to be married/in a partnership, my gravitation towards being happy and single was undergirded by a fear of being perpetually single. In other words, I had the belief that I wasn’t going to get married so I may as well focus on being happy single. I realized that in order for me to truly be happy and single, I had to release the fear of being single and live in the moment. My beliefs have to stand alone without that stench of fear. Fear is a strange bed fellow. Fear of being single will lead you to date and marry the wrong people. Fear will have you exposing your vulnerabilities to the wrong people only be used by the very person you thought you could trust. Fear will have you in situationships without commitment thinking that it will turn into a commitment if you just do enough, only for that person to marry someone else. Fear will have you spending thousands of dollars on books and programs trying to figure out “what is wrong with you”. The fear of being single creates an unhealthy attachment to your desire. Releasing the fear of being single will allow you to honor and acknowledge your desire while simultaneously detaching from the fear associated with that desire. Detachment from the fear of being single is truly the key to being able to be truly happy and single while still desiring partnership. The psychological definition of detachment is a “feeling of emotional freedom coming from lack of involvement”. Detaching from the fear associated with your desire for marriage/partnership is literally freeing yourself from the emotional turmoil of fear of your desire never coming to fruition. That freedom then allows you to flow in the “I don’t know”. You don’t know what your future holds, and it doesn’t matter because you are grateful for the now. Once you release the fear of being single, you won’t worry about whether or not your desire for marriage/partnership comes to fruition because you will trust that your future will be a perfect fit for who you are and your purpose. It will allow you live a space of gratitude for your life instead of being unhappy because you are single. Detachment also allows you to attract better options because you aren’t giving off a fear-based vibe. I think people are like dogs and can smell fear. The worst of humankind will capitalize upon that fear. Detaching from your desire to be married/partnered reconfigures your energy. Instead of radiating desperation, fear and sadness you will radiate joy, happiness and beauty. That new energy can usher in what you desire, if it is in God’s will for your life.
Sometimes it is our own fear that blocks us from our destiny. Detachment may be something you have to practice every day. Rome wasn’t built in a day so a change in perspective and disposition won’t happen in a day either.
Release your fears about being single and enjoy your life. What’s for is for you and if you aren’t fearful of being perpetually single, you will be able to flow through life with grace and you will appreciate God’s will for your life no matter how your life turns out.