Toxic Positivity: The excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations.–The Psychology Group

Yesterday I wrote a blog about me releasing my fears relating to my pursuit of being single and happy. I addressed the fact that although I believed women should divorce their worth from their desire to be married, my pursuit of happiness was driven by fear of being perpetually single. Since I’ve realized that, I am on a path in releasing my fears and allowing my pursuit to stand on its own. I want to be single and happy not because I don’t believe marriage is for me, but I want to be single and happy because that is the best for me in this very moment. Just like there was an undergird of fear behind my pursuit to be single and happy, I believe that a lot of the toxic positivity surrounding the desire of being married is also driven by the fear of being single.

Question: Have you ever observed single women that constantly talk about their future husband, quoting positive statements regarding being a future wife, following couples on social media as inspiration and refusing to entertain anything they deem “negative” regarding relationships under the guise of “guarding their heart”? This is the very definition of toxic positivity (see the definition I posted). It isn’t faith. Faith does require a small amount of delusion, but once the delusion causes a woman to ignore the observable facts when it comes to being married then it crosses over into the toxic positivity realm. I’ve said before: dating/marriage is a market and the market conditions are bad. Although the market conditions are bad, God can transcend any market conditions if partnership is for you. The belief that God can transcend market is an example of faith. Ignoring the market conditions, buying a wedding dress and paying for venues while single as a dollar bill under the guise of faith is delusion.

Women who desire marriage and fear it never happening have to hold on to the toxic positive mindset because if they entertain anything else they would crumble under their own fear. Releasing this fear restores a balance in perspective. Instead of engaging in toxic positivity, one can acknowledge the current state of the dating and marriage pool while still honoring your desire. Releasing the fear of being single allows women to relax and enjoy their lives instead of feeling like if they aren’t “thinking positive” about their desire that it is going to slip through their fingers. As I always say, if something is for you, it is for you. It is no need to engage in fear driven actions. Practice authentic positivity regarding your desire. Marriage/partnership is a dope thing! As dope as it is, other things require your energy–yourself and your happiness as a single woman. If you are unhappy single, your unhappiness radiates out and it just may block the very thing you desire.

Be easy.

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